Thursday, 6 September 2012

Rest in Peace Dear Father (Okonkwo)

 "Gone - flitted away, taken the stars from the night and the sun. From the day! Gone, and a cloud in my heart." This is what had came through my little heart after saying goodbye to my late father, Okonkwo. Deep inside my heart, no matter how cold our relationship are but he is still my father, the man that brought me to this world. Without him, I would not be here, standing on the earth.
Okonkwo's action in killing himself is not a surprise to me because everything has fallen apart for him. He knows that he can't save our village and the Igbo traditions no matter how hard and fiercely he tries. I believe that he assures himself that he will continue the resistance, even if he has to do it alone. I know him, he will be manly in his actions and fight even to the end. Deep inside of me still remains the feeling of regret and this question still hunting me, "why didn't I help him to fight for the Igbo people?" The only answer that I can give to myself is "acceptance". I need to be accepted. Looking back on how Okonkwo had treated me and how he killed Ikemefuna, these were the reasons why I've betrayed him, these were the reasons why I did not help him to fight against the missionaries because the only acceptance that I've received is from the Christian religion. But no matter how much I dislike my Okonkwo, he is still my only father, a man that I called "a hero".

Now, all I could do is to pray for him: May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back.  May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields.  And until we meet again, may God hold you in the hollow of his hand. Looking back on our memories although it was not so memorable but I know why the reason it hurts so much to separate, it is because our souls are connected, a father and a son relationship. I wanted a perfect ending.  Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end.  Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Although Okonkwo's death is terrible for me but I need to forget about the past and move on to the future. Farewell dear father and thank you for everything.

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